Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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