I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
