He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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