Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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