Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
