Can i not drive my cunt home
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I want is dick and wine.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
