Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
