Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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