I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
