i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
