you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
