so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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