Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
