My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
