Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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