Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
