i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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