This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
