Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
