She is in my trunk
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
