I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
