Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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