You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
