I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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