I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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