Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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