He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
