Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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