i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
