this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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