sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
