Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
