piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
