I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
