i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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