The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
dude. I can hear the air.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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