i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
