Already got asked if we're dating
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize