Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
