speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if only i could text you this smell
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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