I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
As shirtless as possible
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
