Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
