so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize