He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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