i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
