why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
