I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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