her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
