I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
