the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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