Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
