Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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