i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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