Jerry, you need to find god
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
