4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
