oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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