bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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