I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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