Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
