hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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