Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
