Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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