well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
