This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
