he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
