My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
