My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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