Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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