I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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