Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize