Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
