i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
