I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
