his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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