So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
