Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
