its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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