Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
