I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
