He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize