How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
