im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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