I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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