We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
