Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize