Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i love accidental penises.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
