she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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