It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
