you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize