I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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