is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
