i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
