so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
