I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
