she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
