sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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