Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
