btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
