Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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