wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize