And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
