A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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