It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
