That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
