Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
