Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
