the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
