Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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