i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
