she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
